Thursday, October 20, 2011

Transforming Passive Aggressive Behavior

Transforming Passive Aggressive Behavior to Preserve Your Sanity! by Neil Warner

Some interactions with your significant other can leave you feeling emotionally drained, dejected, and distressed. Those behaviors are not only confusing and hard to accept, but they have the capacity to damage your confidence and self-esteem. Vicious passive aggressive behavior can take its toll on you, slowly altering your personality, until you barely recognize your own actions. You feel depressed, you might cry or yell more often than before, and you feel out of control.

How do you identify passive aggressive behavior?

- Unexpected, unprovoked angry outbursts, disproportionate to the issue at hand
- Isolation or pouting without an obvious reason
- Dismissing your feelings off hand
- Ignoring or blocking you from communications with others
- Being sensitive and caring one minute; acting hostile and resentful the next

Even when we all do some passive aggressive behavior here and there, especially when we are resisting some other person ordering us around, but we don't want to challenge him, everyone knows what this behavior looks like.

What you need to look for is not the occasional response that blocks cooperation while saying that it is forthcoming, but look for the passive-aggressive behavior which is ingrained and the habitual way of dealing with the world, you included.

It can come across as a maddening mixture of evasiveness and contrition, agreeableness and resistance, connection and aloofness and in severe cases is often masked by more obvious mental illness, like depression.

The classic description of passive aggressive behavior includes a "stubborn malcontent, someone who passively resists fulfilling routine tasks, complains of being misunderstood and underappreciated, unreasonably scorns authority and voices exaggerated complaints of personal misfortune."

Sometimes you can even perceive him as doing a clever obstruction of all your plans to move ahead, progress and develop new experiences for both, so scared this person is of change and your role in any change happening to him/her. If you push a lot, then you will be served with aggressive outbursts, coming like "out of nowhere," but destined to protect his personality from any adult demand coming his way.

Do you need to know more? If you think passive aggressive behavior is the cause of your unhappy situation there are steps you can take to resolve it. Perhaps you need to get a copy of "Recovering from Passive Aggression," an ebook that will give you strategies to respond to Passive Aggressive tactics!

If you are ready to break free of the chains of passive aggressive emotional bondage, if you are tired of feeling humiliated and alone, if you are ready to take control of your emotional well-being once and for all, then this e-book is for you.

I am a seasoned relationship guru, and my main focus writing is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. You might have heard of my latest e-book, "The Art of Positive Conflicts." In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on surviving a difficult relationship with love and compassion, you can find them at

Together with co-author Nora Femenia, we share our new tools with you at

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Monday, September 26, 2011

Recognizing and Dealing with Passive-Aggressive

The goal of this book is to raise the awareness of employees who work for passive-aggressive men and women so that they can begin to understand the dynamics of a passive-aggressive work environment. Passive-aggressive behavior in bosses is presented and discussed, and views of work and the workplace that are held by employees who suffer at the hands of passive-aggressive bosses are also described.

Real-life stories from the front are presented--employees who have experienced passive-aggressive behavior from bosses during many years of working, and the actual problems associated with working for passive-aggressive individuals and how to deal with them are discussed.

There are a number of books available that deal with passive-aggressive behavior in a general context, but very few that describe how a passive-aggressive work environment affects its employees, or more precisely, how passive-aggressive leadership affects employees.

Source: Welcome to the Stepfamily Zone - Blindsided--Recognizing and Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Leadership in the Workplace, 2nd edition

Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man


The catch-me-if-you-can lover...

Phil's romantic and passionate one minute, distant and cold the next.

The deviously manipulative coworker or boss...

Jack denies resenting Nora's rapid rise in the company, but when they're assigned to work together on a project, he undermines her.

The obstructionist, procrastinating husband...

Bob keeps telling his wife he'll finish the painting job he began years ago, but he never seems to get around to it.

These are all classic examples of the passive-aggressive man. This personality syndrome -- in which hostility wears a mask of passivity -- is currently the number one source of men's problems in relationships and on the job. In Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man, Scott Wetzler draws upon numerous case histories from his own practice to explain how and why the passive-aggressive man thinks, feels, and acts the way he does. Dr. Wetzler also offers advice on:

• How to avoid playing victim, manager, or rescuer to the "P-A"

• How to get his anger and fear into the open

• How to help the "P-A" become a better lover, husband, and father

• How to survive passive-aggressive game playing on the job

Living with a man's passive aggression can be an emotional seesaw ride. But armed with this book, you can avoid the bumpy landings.

Source: Welcome to the Stepfamily Zone - Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man: Coping with Hidden Aggression - From the Bedroom to the Boardroom

Overcoming Passive-Aggression

Hidden anger that comes out indirectly—through inappropriate, unproductive action or even inaction—can undermine relationships with friends, family and colleagues at work. Murphy, a psychologist and member of Congress, and Oberlin (coauthors of The Angry Child) closely examine how this kind of anger, called passive-aggressive, can undermine sufferers and their relationships and make life generally miserable.

The authors also examine the problems faced by the victims of passive-aggressive behavior, who often don't understand why the angry person is acting as he does: "The nastiest thing about hidden anger is that it sneaks up on you... much like a boa constrictor that gradually tightens its grip until it's too late for you to get away."

A frank and interesting chapter on the roots of anger in childhood is followed by constructive advice for those who experience hidden anger on how to handle that anger at work, at school and in a myriad of relationships. While acknowledging the complexity of the problem, the work provides ample opportunity (and exercises) for personal growth regardless of whether you are on the giving or receiving end of passive aggression. (Dec.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness

Passive Aggressive Style

People who are passive-aggressive have a mixture of both passive and aggressive characteristics. Passive aggressive behaviour is characterised by people communicating their needs in an indirect or underhanded manner. They experience anger and a sense of injustice when their needs are not met, but rather than not speak up (passive) or behave aggressively, they express anger indirectly.

For example, they may "accidentally" burn a meal for their husband. Or, spend the shopping budget on a pair of shoes.

Passive aggressive people may say that they believe other people's rights are more important than their own (passive), but their behaviour suggests that they actually think their own needs are more important than others (aggressive). In situations of disagreement or conflict, passive aggressive people act to increase the conflict rather than to work towards a solution.

While it is their own actions which are responsible for this continuation of conflict, they may blame the other person (externalise responsibility).